THE WAVES
by Virginia Woolf
This poetic novel, written in 1931, follows the lives of six friends from their early years at boarding school together, through to old age. The characters take turns centre stage of the novel, each sharing their inner world with the reader in a stream-of-consciousness style of narration. The ebb and flow of these internal monologues reveals each character's unique 'way of being' while also laying bare the relational undercurrents within the group. In this excerpt one of the characters - a poet, Neville - notices a distant figure approaching. As he tries to work out which of his friends it might be, he muses on the impact he or she will have on him:
'How curiously one is changed by the addition ... of a friend ... Yet how painful to be recalled, to be mitigated, to have one's self adulterated, mixed up, become part of another. As he approaches, I become not myself but Neville mixed with somebody - with whom? - with Bernard? Yes, it is Bernard...'
I love how Woolf captures, here, the impact of Bernard's presence on Neville's experience of 'being Neville'. Through Neville's interior monologue we understand that he anticipates his essence will be diluted by his friend's arrival. He will become 'the version of Neville that emerges in Bernard's presence'.
On our own we are, generally, unguarded. We can simply 'be', with no need to interact with our surroundings. When we become aware of the presence of another, our senses are drawn to focus on them. Who is it? How do they seem? What might be required of us, now that they are here? We may begin to feel different - happy, fearful, irritated, etc. We often make conscious adjustments to accommodate the presence of another, too. Perhaps we sit up straighter, pretend to look busy, etc.
It can be interesting to try and notice, in such moments, what changes we become aware of making. Do certain people prompt more changes in us than others? If so, why? What might be happening for us when we are with those people?